break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
