Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she looked like the before picture.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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