dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
