dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You are a genius and a whore.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
