i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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