are you still at the devil's house?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
