Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We need to get me chipped asap
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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