Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
