Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
