At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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