Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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