I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
