i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
