i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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