$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
