Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
