My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
