dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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