Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
