So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
