John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
