im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
