There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
