Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
