I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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