I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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