Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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