ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
