just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize