In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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