I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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