When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
