Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
