doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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