she was so not down for the gang bang
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
