I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
