i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
