i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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