forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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