If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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