just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
