The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
