you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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