if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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