Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
