I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
