Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
