And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Princesses don't give blow jobs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
