So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
