Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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