So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
