Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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