I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
