i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
