Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
