last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
