am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
