Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
