just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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