she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
