This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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