I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
