people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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