So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
