fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize