I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
