i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
