The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
