Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
