I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize