my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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