having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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