i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
