my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
