I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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