I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
