my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
