It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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