you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
