dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
