i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
