I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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