Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
