I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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