just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
