chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
