Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
