dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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