he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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