Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
