How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
