there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
