mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
