I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i dont even know how to be here
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
