oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
