Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
