no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
