When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
