I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
