Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
