Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
