i was born a porn star she said
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
