Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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