Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
