Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
