Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
