Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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