Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the condom got lost in my hair
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pants are for mortals
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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