Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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