just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
