Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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