i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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