and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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