I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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