you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
