If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
