No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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