Buhtt sex?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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