Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
