I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
