It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
