I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
