Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
